A lecture is something that is devoid of a conversation.
What’s a conversation? It’s when more than one person is exchanging ideas, thoughts, feelings, and/or impressions.
If you don’t want to be lectured at, speak up — ask questions, and make comments. Don’t let the other person control what goes on unless you are enjoying the lecture.
If the person you are talking to doesn’t allow you to speak, speak to someone in the ‘help industry’ such as a crisis center, therapist, counselor, etc. so you can gain the tools and resources to assert yourself.
You never have to hear a lecture again unless you’ve agreed to such an arrangement!
Much love <3
I had initiated a conversation about something I didn’t like being said to me and then the other person started talking about what they didn’t like about something I said to them a long time ago (but had never told me), skipping right over what I wanted to talk to them about.
I said to them: Hey, I’m #1 here. You’re coming in as a #2 but you’re a #1 too. If you have something to bring up, initiate a conversation about that topic (at that time) and be the #1 that you are. Otherwise, when you come in as a #2, you make me a #2 and I’m a #1 who doesn’t like going around and around in circles. And at the very least, address and acknowledge what I’m talking about, come to a resolution with me and then we can talk about your stuff.
If you have something to say, say it first. Don’t wait for the other person to open the door and follow in behind them. That’s not fair, empowering, or helpful.
Remember that you’re #1 and so are they.
If you’re mulling over something inside your head but you never share that externally (especially directly to any person/s you’re thinking about), you’ve got a third of the story and you’re just having a conversation with yourself.
That conversation is often full of faulty assumptions, judgements, and hypothesis. That’s fine.
This is Step one and it means you’re thinking.
What’s not fine is when you believe what you think is true without verifying your thoughts as fact. This also can create a lot of bad vibes between yourself and others. It can also create a lot of untrue good vibes — just as dangerous, if you ask me.
Step two is asking questions and sharing your impressions with those you’re thinking about, so that you can have a proper conversation outside of your own head.
Step three is the back and forth conversation where you find a common ground of understanding, respect, and delight. This is the step that challenges your beliefs and opens you up to new insight, thought, and information.
The bad habit of stopping at step 1, often shows up in astrology as a luminary or planet square Neptune such as Mercury Square Neptune, and Moon or Mars Square Neptune in natal or synastry.
This bad habit is also encouraged by society because many people don’t want you to be clear on what they’re thinking, doing, feeling, or believing. So many children start off asking a lot of questions and then stop asking them after being blocked or hurt too many times. So we have a whole lot of adults running around ASSuming things without verifying their assumption as fact.
With Sun Conjunct Mars I’m luckily (or not) one of those children who never stop asking questions, even when faced with opposition. But I’m not perfect. I sometimes don’t verify my assumptions either but I have enough humility to apologize and make amends for it when that’s brought to my attention, and I kick myself for it too because I know better. Also sometimes, I have low confidence days and I just don’t have the strength to push for clarity.
Speaking of which — Yes, there IS an art to asking questions. If you ask in a way that is disrespectful and doesn’t keep in mind the personal boundaries of someone else, you may come off as an obtrusive interrogator or investigator (Pluto), rather than an unobtrusive discoverer or adventurer (Jupiter).
So consider your motives and relationship with whomever you’re thinking about and asking questions. And if you’re thinking about the actions and behaviours of someone who is not in your circle, you may want to bring them into your circle to have a genuine conversation — that’s if they matter enough to you.
And come to think of it, that might be another reason why people don’t ask enough questions — they just don’t give two hoots about you and care more about THEIR opinion of you and your actions, thoughts, feelings rather than what’s going on on your side!!
O-0 … that’s another post! haha
Maybe some people don’t think you’ll tell your truth if they ask you a question but that’s not really been my experience. Anyway, even if they have a tendency to lie to themselves (that’s what I have experienced) there’s step three — I don’t have to believe what they tell me but if they are good and decent people, I respect what they have to say and take it into consideration.